Fugitive On the Loose

Alert: the Oranjestad Secret Police are searching for a fugitive named Hiram McDaniels, who escaped custody last night following a 9:00 PM arrest. McDaniels is described as a five-headed dragon, approximately 18 feet tall, with mostly green eyes, and weighing about 3600 pounds. He is suspected of insurance fraud.

McDaniels was pulled over for speeding last night, and the Secret Police became suspicious when he allegedly gave the officers a fake driver’s license for a five foot eight man named Frank Chen. After discerning that Frank Chen was actually a five-headed dragon from somewhere other than our little world, the Secret Police searched McDaniels’ vehicle.

Representatives from local civil rights organizations have protested that officers had no legal grounds to search the vehicle, but they ceded the point when reminded by Secret Police officials that our backwards court system will uphold any old authoritarian rule made up on the fly by unsupervised gun-carrying thugs of a shadow government.

The Secret Police say McDaniels escaped custody by breathing fire from his purple head, and he was last seen flying and shrieking over Skylan Mountain.

Secret Police are asking for tips leading to the arrest of Hiram McDaniels. They remind you that, if seen, he should not be approached, as he is literally a five headed dragon. Contact the Sheriff’s Secret Police if you have any information. Ask for Officer Neb.

Helpful tipsters will earn one stamp on their Alert Citizen card. Collect five stamps, and you get stop sign immunity for one year.

[the previous article comes from the podcast Welcome To Night Vale - seemed appropriate for the Shire though ]