Two Dead, Ten Injured in U of C Rap Battle

Sammiches822

Marla Tungsten, Senior SGN Journalist

Jamal Wilson, one of the ten injured, being loaded into an ambulance to be treated for a concussion and two fractured ribs.

UNIVERSITY OF CLEMENTINE- A rap battle turned deadly this afternoon on the University of Clementine campus as the college celebrated Greek Week, which the most prominent greek fraternities and sororities compete for leadership of the school Greek Council. The battle was first suggested by Delta Phi Gamma member Demarcus Bigby, who challenged Kappa Beta Alpha member Jonathan McLean. The friendly rap battle began in the university quad, attracting a large number of spectators. However, things soon turned awry as the sick rhymes and beats of the two competitors grew more and more virulent, and physical wounds began manifesting on the bodies of competitors and onlookers alike. 

"I told Jonathan to forfeit," says 20 year old Sandra Clemens, who watched the battle ensue. "He wouldn't listen to me. 'This is my destiny, Sandra, my destiny to win at the rap. Many before me have fallen, but not I,' he told me while he was rapping. The words did not come out of his mouth, but it felt more like a supernatural force or entity. We all heard it." Spectators attempted to flee, but an unlucky few were rooted in place by ethereal yet sinister glowing tentacles which sprouted from the grass and wound themselves around the legs of said onlookers. By that point, the two rappers had ascended three yards off of the ground, spinning with such force that it shattered a number of nearby windows and absorbed all electric currents in the area, shutting off power for a large section of the campus. 

"By then no one knew what was happening. Their rapping had become more of a constant babbling as illuminated hieroglyphs suspended in midair snaked out from every orifice of their bodies and attempted to strangle the other," Clemens explained. "The tentacles holding me in place had climbed up to my head, and entered through my ear and whispered to me. They told me to respect the ancient ones, and that the reclamation of the Shire by Tukmaihl from the Dark Realm of Gur'Blai was imminent. At that point I was very confused and wanted to go home." After a two-hour battle, both rappers disintegrated into small piles of glittering stardust, and the tentacles receded back into the ground, but not without dragging several students through the ground with them. A warrant for the tentacles' arrest has been issued. 

The university's directors met soon after to discuss the future of recreation on the Clementine Campus, voting to place a ban on all rap battles while classes are being taught. Some professors might remember when a similar incident happened in 1982, resulting in forty student deaths and the teleportation of the entire still-missing Biltbobble School of Business into the Dark Realm. 

The surviving ten onlookers of the battle are now being treated for physical and mental damages at the University of Clementine hospital. The university's president declined to make a statement. ♛

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Dan Lomquist, University of Clementine- i was a witness to this battle and i believe there is a tentacle still living inside me and telling me to sin

Jaxson Connors, Athitica- How surprising, even more of a reason to loathe the prevailing and barbarous musical melodies of my ludicrous generation. #LeWrongGeneration

Sarah Kodak, Acadie- its the gay agenda i tell ya........

Nursaltan Tulyakby, Knavobuki- source?