Brilliant Ways to Save Money on Vacation

Sammiches822

Remy Weimar, SGN Chief Economist

Brilliant Ways to Save Money on Vacation

We get it. Summer vacations are a cash-heavy time for all of us in nations where we don't partake in forced labor year-round. Sorry, Potatovale! With the expenses of train tickets, hotels, restaurants, and shopping for small knick-knacks of decreasing value for all of your extended family members, you could be run dry in a matter of days. It isn't easy on your wallet, but many pass on the chance to save money while vacationing out of fear that it'll dilute the quality and experience of the trip. I, the former Imperial Economic Minister in Emperor Sammich's cabinet and the Chief Economist of SGN, assure you that you can certainly keep a little moolah in your wallet and a little boo-yah on your trip!

1. Lose the kids in the woods

It's no secret; similar to life itself, children are going to be by far the largest drain on your money. They always need new expensive gadgets and gizmos and seem to ask for the most asinine things on vacation, as your husband assures you it's okay under the pretense that you're "on vacation". A simple solution to this issue is right within arm's reach, and that solution is to get them OUT of arm's reach. Simply locate the nearest forest, go hiking, and begin to lag behind your kids. Once they are sufficiently ahead of you, quickly run in the opposite direction and locate your car. They will live amongst the bears and become stronger than you ever could. They will grow, and they will find you. It is by their hands that you will die.

2. Ask Francis to manage your money

You know Francis, right? Great guy. Love him to death. He used to work in accounting for Klein Retailers but got laid off a few years ago. I'm sure he'd love to do it; he's really nice and helped my wife handle her money when she was first starting her nanny business. I mean... I think he could use the distraction, to be honest. He hasn't been able to keep a job since and I don't think he's on speaking terms with his daughter Vanessa. Sometimes I invite him out but he never returns my calls, and just doesn't address the missed calls when I see him in person. I... I don't want to pry. I just think maybe we should try talking to him about it.

3. Impose a 'fun tax' on family members

Your family will love this. A great way to make sure your wallet's always full is to start taxing your family based on the amount of fun they're having. Using the Erlecht-Braunn Base Happiness Scale, you can efficiently calculate the happiness levels of each of your family members and remove a daily sum based on their total happiness from the day. It's really a lot easier than it sounds. Is Tommy enjoying playing in the ocean and building sand castles on the beach? $8.62, bitch. If someone in your family fails to pay the tax, there will most certainly be other prices to pay. 

4. Contract a disease and exploit the Make-A-Wish Foundation

The best way to save money on a vacation is to not spend money! Go trifle through your city's sewers and touch every sickened person you can find. If you're not an idiot and have had some prior training in the field of taking advantage of charity organizations, this should be a cakewalk for you. After you've been diseased, call the Make-A-Wish Foundation and make that wish! You'll be able to travel anywhere in the world, and all on the Foundation's dime! Nice!

5. Just use this one neat trick

Seriously, very few people know about this one easy trick to get the best out of your trip without sacrificing the cash in your wallet. This loophole has been passed down through generations, and this is the first time it appears through a medium other than blessed parchment or the whispers of monks high in the mountains. We'll tell you this simple secret and trust me, you will be shocked that you've never done this before. We tried posting this trick in our 2011 edition, but you wanna know what happened? The building burned down. I mean, the two events weren't related. The former CEO of SGN had set the building on fire as a part of attempted insurance fraud. But here it is. Use it wisely.

~SGN Online, helping you act like you care~

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Cindi Lightballoon, Oranjestad- trick really worked, thx saved tons of money on my vacation to caffa!! :-)

Winston Maedlebaum, Snowy Mill- DO NOT try to fun tax tip.....tried it on my trip to laurelian, and my family stabbed me and left me for dead!!! beware the ides of march!!!!!!

Nick Wilde, Fulfwotz- At least there's plenty of places here where I can brush up on exploiting charity organizations. 

George Oscar, Knavobuki- A trick is something a whore does for money. Quite literally, in this case. Can't wait to try it out!

Sammiches822

bump!!!! this article got DROWNED hours within it being posted

Millred

Dear Mr. Weimar,

My stomach hurts after reading this, WedMD claims that it's probably cancer. In the light of saving my wallet I feel inclined to agree.

So that's one point down!
But if I claim to be going on a solitary soul-searching journey (obviously paid for by the Make-A-Wish foundation,) in the spirit of *insert religion/lifestyle/cult/sect/etc. here*, do you think I could apply for one or multiple stipends to cover costs for things such as valuable experiences (that is, saving/gaining money), life-changing lessons (saving/gaining more money) and personal (financial) growth?

Grateful for a quick answer,

Nora Khon, Venezia Nuova

Sammiches822

@Millred

no