New Sammichian Empire breaks from Shire Dollar Zone, declares all Laurelii enemies of NSE

17
HayHay Lady
edited March 21 in Shire Global News
Alanea Notirmye, SGN contributor - Laurelian
New Sammichian Empire breaks from Shire Dollar Zone, declares all Laurelii enemies of NSE
The official imperial decree has been reported as follows:
Let it be known that neither Hay of Laurelian nor any Laurelian citizen shall be henceforth welcomed in any territory or protectorate of the New Sammichian Empire by imperial decree of Emperor Sammus Memphistes Inigmax Ich II. Furthermore, the NSE hereby departs from the Shire Dollar Zone and demands the immediate return of all NSE wealth stored at Laurelian or there will be war.

In a blatant disregard for the sacred customs of the Laurelli, the NSE has, once again, shown just how delusional and irrational its leader truly is. An eye-witness account has given us a rough description of this evening's events. Her statement is as follows:

Danika Dayne of Fulfwotz
"I dunno. There was a bunch of yelling outside. At least, I think it was outside. I haven't been there in a while because my indentured servitude to the Emperor doesn't end for another 14 years. That's the last time I ever try to wear my hair natural!
Anyway. So there I was, next door to the new buildings by the abandoned grain mill when I overheard my glorious Emperor speaking very loudly to someone. They were having an argument about a building. Apparently it was Hay herself! Yeh! The one from Laurelian. I wish I could live in Laurelian. I heard people can wear their hair any way they want there.
Glorious Emperor was telling Hay to build the interior of one of his buildings and it seemed like everything was going ok until Hay said something about the building "not accepting the bonding ritual." That made Glorious Emperor very cross. I was scared because sometimes he adds years to our sentences when he's cross.
Hay tried to reason with Glorious Emperor saying things like, "The building LITERALLY told me to die of ugly and wouldn't accept my bonding ritual!"
Glorious Emperor was very angry and told Hay to leave Fulfwotz. He was screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY REGION!" I was really scared.
Hay seemed to get upset also, saying, "IT ISN'T MY FAULT YOUR POSSESSED BUILDING WOULDN'T ACCEPT MY BONDING RITUAL!"
And that's when it happened. Glorious Emperor made an imperial decree right in front of everyone!"

It is sacred tradition for all Laurelii to first perform a bonding ritual with a building before building an interior design in it. Bonding rituals of this sort have never failed until this day in Fulfwotz. Hay was said to have tried to bond with a tree next to the building in question stating, "Maybe I can bond with this tree here and then it can talk to the building." While many in the past have taken the ritual lightly and chalked it up as "one of those weird Laurelian things," none have ever blatantly disrespected the sacred tradition.

Emperor Sammich has not been able to be reached for a statement. Hay remains in Laurelian preparing for possibly the most ridiculous war the Shire has ever seen and for the most ridiculous reason the Shire will ever know.

Whichever side you're on, just remember. This all happened because Hay didn't put falafels in Fulfwotz.


"I should have never spoken to you! I just had another 34 years added to my sentence! It's not my fault I'm a natural redhead!" -Danika Dayne, Fulfwotz

"I heard we could get cookies so I think we're a part of the NSE now." -Hortus Morus, Riverwood

"We don't have floors.... or like... buildings on the ground." Samantha Englewood, Enderton
EnderKillaWuggeh0AntheusJohn117DirewolfofDoomGustavobcDreamingAtDawn03

Comments

  • 6
    edited March 21
    Know that the Republic will not remain neutral during this period. The rightful order must be restored...

    Therefore the Shire Dollar Zone must disband and all currencies must be nationalized. We stand with the Sammichians, no matter how much we desire for their inevitable removal from Republic lands.
    EnderKillaHaySammiches822Lord_DrekarJohn117Gustavobc
  • 10
    THE RIVERWOOD TIMES
    SPECIAL EDITION

    OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE EXECUTIVE OFFICE OF THE CITY OF RIVERWOOD

    As of 10:40PM Central Standard Time on the 20th of March, 2017, the City of Riverwood became aware of a dangerous conflict between a dumpster Hay and the magnificant Sammich. Knowing that the conflict would involve the city, the government decided to make an alliance with Dumpsterlian to protect riverwoodians from harm. At 10:50PM Central Standard Time, an agreement was worked out peacefully between the President of Riverwood, Antheus, and the Emperor of the 4th New Sammichian Empire.

    As of 10:51PM Central Standard Time, the City of Riverwood was traded to the Emperor for a single cookie, feeding all those starved by the horrific embargo of Riverwood by Flufwotz shortly after the end of Shire World War II. Furthermore, the NSE wired the City of Riverwood $2,000,000,000 as funding to the city. As a result of this agreement, the City of Riverwood removes any ties it has between itself and any other nation, city, or empire except the NSE, is under the full control of the NSE, and shall fight along side the NSE.

    Shortly following the annoucment, President Antheus told the press "AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    EnderKillaSammiches822John117DirewolfofDoomHayLord_DrekarBlithenessWuggeh0Gustavobc
  • 1
    John117John117 Engineer
    Solurian Empire declares war alongside ally NSE;
    Naval and Air forces mobilize

    Bjorn Svalbarke, Rigel Broadcasting Service

    News from the capitol is that the Solurian Empire has declared a Holy War upon the non-believers of the faith, mainly the Laurelian Nation, and has allied with the New Sammichian Empire after their full conversion to the Solur-Sammian Sect of the majority religion in the Solurian Empire.

    Press releases from the Governing Council confirm this piece of sudden news as the Empire goes to war for the second time in as many years, following the swift war and trade blockade of the small community of Riverwood in response to threats against the Laurelii holdings.

    The rapid declaration of war, without emergency session of the Governing Council, has sparked controversy around the Empire, and calls for an emergency meeting of military and civil leaders have been taken up by nearly all ranks of government. In the meantime, however, opinions vary wildly from city to city:

    Eriik Hansverg, Rigel Dockworker
    "Yeah, the new work is welcome, especially after tha bit of a slum we'd had in the recent few months, with all tha big military ships from last year taking up shipping and stuff. I don't really mind tha war; 'ts good for business here at the docks so tha boys and I will do our jobs and let tha military do theirs, 'ya know?"

    Allvta Litnezbek, Shopkeeper in Hoch; Haarald Litnezbek, Thaumo-Engine Mechanic
    "I don't really know if this is really the right thing, since my two sons are both in the Air Fleet that is stationed here, so they'd both be fighting up north. We are the closest to Laurelian, so it'd only make sense that our boys would be the first to fight, right?"
    "I support our sons and if they are called to Holy War against the non-believers, who am I to refute that? It's just, well, the last Holy War was much different from what this one feels like, at least from what my grandfather told me."

    Smatzek Sekoyan, Rear Admiral Upper Half , Retired (Solurian Navy)
    "From a purely military point of view, this was couldn't have come at a better time: the ships of the Solurian Navy and the airships of the Solurian Air Fleet are in excellent condition from the short war with Riverwood, and the - "
    Remainder of interview redacted by Solurian Official Order

    NAME REDACTED, Lieutenant Junior Grade, Grib Naval Forces
    "I don't see what the fuss is about, by the time we get to Laurelian from Grib's naval station the city will be conquered or ash already, so it seems like a waste for us to work our way north in such a rush. But hey, orders are orders and and this is a Holy War so you're pretty damned if you don't do as you're commanded."
    EnderKillaSammiches822Hay
  • 6
    HayHay Lady
    Wow. Ok.

    This is LITERALLY, L I T E R A L L Y because of a falafel stand. L I T E R A L L Y
    John117Lord_DrekarBlithenessTrizer
  • 2
    THE IMPERIAL EYEWITNESS
    The New Sammichian Empire Welcomes its Brothers-in-Arms, Denounces Laurelii Communists

    At 4:15 PM this afternoon, the Office of the Emperor broke its silence following its denouncement of the nation of Laurelian, along with a threat to break away from the Shire Dollar Zone pending Chancellery approval. Since the statement made last night, barring Laurelii travel into the Empire's borders, both nations have recalled their ambassadors, and many nations have stood in solidarity with the New Sammichian Empire against the Laurelii menace.

    This follows centuries of strained Sammo-Laurelii relations since the emergence of Laurelian in the Shire. The two countries have engaged in diplomatic relations in an effort to improve their relationship and cooperate on international matters, but it would seem that Emperor Sammich has seen the efforts as futile.

    The statement from the Office of the Emperor reads as:

    "The New Sammichian Empire does not condone Laurelian's repeated and unforgivable offenses. The Imperial people are proud, and cannot tolerate this treatment any longer. We refuse to engage in any sort of communication with Laurelian and its people, the Shire Dollar Organization itself being an economic tool of manipulation wielded by the Kiinthira of Laurelian. We are humbled by the support our cause has received from our close friends in the Solurian Empire, Paarsdam, and Riverwood, and we will continue to proceed with the presumed course of action until reparations can be made.

    Following the statement last night, the city of Riverwood, a protectorate of the Commonwealth of Venezia Nuova, declared its intention to secede and join the New Sammichian Empire. The two countries have been close allies since the First World War and this matter is sure to complicate this diplomatic situation further.

    Also complicating matters is the Emperor's intent to withdraw the Empire from the Shire Dollar Zone. While it was initially reported that the Empire had seceded, this is in error, as this motion requires Chancellery approval before Article 22 of the Shire Dollar Organization Charter can be triggered. The Empire's departure from the SDZ would see the value of the Shire Dollar plummet and the temporary destabilization of global markets.

    High Chancellor Kiera C. Krugerrand and Imperial Ambassador to Laurelian Canthus Nervae could not be reached for comment.

    Sisenna Vueres, Fulfwotz- how can i monetize this?

    Vincente Aurelio, Caffa- why is our government like this

    Jackson Corris, Deserta- FUCkin larelii immigrants stealing jobs from us good hardworking IMPERAL citizens . dont they know how far I have to wal k to cash my welfare check

    Edie Horschwasser, Woodstock- my grandson is named Chad =)

    IN OTHER IMPERIAL NEWS
    Fulfwotz Teen Falls To Death From Construction Crane During Dare

    #KyleFromCosta Takes Internet By Storm

    Summerstone Health Guru's "Trek Across the Shire" Stopped Short After Being Shot In Fulfwotz

    En Mode Magazine Releases "Top 10 Ugliest Child Actors in Follywood"
    HayEnderKillaJohn117
  • 8
    edited March 21
    Shire Dane International Airport

    SFAA Notice:
    Due to increasing tensions in the Laurelian and the New Sammichian Empire regions, all aircraft movements bound for the two locations will be immediately grounded and redirected to the nearest available international airport.

    The City of Clementine Airport Authority has ceased all available flights servicing Laurelian and Sammichian airports originating from the Shire Dane International Airport. Aircrafts originating from the two locations will be permitted to land as refugees for the next 24 hours. A total and complete shutdown of Laurelii and Sammichians entering the Airport will occur, effective 31, March 2017 due to security concerns.

    The flights included are:
    • Cancelled: LA3472
    • Cancelled: LA3473
    • Cancelled: EM691
    • Cancelled: EM948
    • Cancelled: CL2019
    • Cancelled: CL1997
    • Cancelled: LA204
    • Cancelled: LA804
    • Cancelled: AD021
    • Delayed: EP192
    • Rerouted: LA578
    HayJohn117
  • 4
    edited March 21
    In response to escalating tensions, awful conditions within the Sammichian Empire, and negative treatment and opinion of Falafels within the Sammichian Territories, the High Council of the Vaelthranni Compact has decreed that until such time as Emperor Sammich resumes peaceful diplomatic relations with Laurelian and her allied nations, a trade embargo will be enacted on all goods imported from the Empire into any city governed with the Compact, and any individual suspected of negative affiliation with Sammichian Leadership or the Emperor's allies will be imprisoned until such time as the current crisis passes.

    Any individual travelling from the Empire, or from territories allied with the empire, will be subject to intensified border checks, to ensure the safety of the people under the Vaelthranni Compact's protection.

    Furthermore, all Vaelthranni Compact Ambassadors to the Empire, and nations allied with the Empire, will be recalled, to ensure the safety of all diplomats; rumours abound of the shady and seedy nature of the Sammichian Empire, and steps must be taken to avoid harm to those furthering the cause of peace on behalf of the Vaelthranni Compact, and all diplomats from the Empire or allied nations to the Empire are hereby expelled from the lands of the Vaelthranni Compact, until such time as peaceful diplomatic relations are resumed.

    In response to the cancellation of flights from Clementine into the Laurelian nation, several Airships from the Vaelthranni Defense Fleet will be deployed, to aid any Laurelli struggling to return to Laurelian, or any others (excluding those from the Sammichian Empire and allied nations of the emperor) who are in urgent need of travel to the nation.


    The Cities and Armies of the Vaelthranni Compact stand at their highest level of alert, and are ready to aid the people of Laurelian in their struggle against the Tyranny of Fulfwotz, should the need arise, regardless of the cost.
    John117Sammiches822HayDreamingAtDawn03
  • 15
    Antheus wrote: »
    the City of Riverwood removes any ties it has between itself and any other nation, city, or empire except the NSE, is under the full control of the NSE, and shall fight along side the NSE.

    @Antheus are you sure that you want to do that?
    HayJohn117EnderKillaLord_DrekarWuggeh0Gustavobc
  • 8
    Blitheness wrote: »
    Antheus wrote: »
    the City of Riverwood removes any ties it has between itself and any other nation, city, or empire except the NSE, is under the full control of the NSE, and shall fight along side the NSE.

    @Antheus are you sure that you want to do that?

    There was a cookie involved
    HayJohn117EnderKillaLord_DrekarWuggeh0Gustavobc
  • 12
    BlithenessBlitheness Lord
    edited March 22
    STA Service Update — 22 March 2017
    Lord Andrew, Chief Operating Officer of the Shire Transit Authority

    Due to political tensions in Riverwood and surrounding areas, amendments have been made to the timetables for some railway lines. These amendments will be in effect until further notice.

    CANCELLATIONS
    • All Thule line services between Wytapcha and Hobbiton are cancelled — no Thule line services will operate to or from the following stations: Modaora High Level, Havana and Hobbiton.
    • No Cerelia line services will operate to or from the following stations: Modaora Low Level, Amphitheatre and Riverwood.

    AMENDMENTS
    • North-bound Cerelia line services towards Riverwood will now terminate at Phobean Isle
    • Nysa line services will not call at, or depart from, Aberdeen station.

    STATION CLOSURES
    • Modaora High Level
    • Modaora Low Level
    • Amphitheatre
    • Aberdeen
    • Havana
    • Hobbiton

    TRAVEL ADVICE
    • Riverwood local services are severely disrupted due to an STA staff walk-out. Please allow extra time to complete your journey.
    • All non-essential travel to or within the Riverwood region is discouraged at this time.
    • Thule line passengers wishing to reach the north-east are advised to alight at Mount Britain, and change to the North-bound Cerelia line, alight at Whail and take the Nysa line from Whail.
    HayJohn117EnderKilla
  • 4
    . jhytPfq.png .
    AntheusEnderKillaDirewolfofDoom
  • 0
    The great falafel war.
  • 13
    nebbersnebbers Lord
    edited March 23
    Oranjestad Breaks Silence;Addresses the Global Tension

    In a broadcast to the Oranjestad nation, the as-of-recently obscure and isolationist Lord Nebbers addressed the growing tension developing across the world. Shire Global News was on location in the recently revived Oranjestad coastal town of Jarreau, where the speech was made.

    "To be honest, I'm not sure I really get what all the fuss is about", Nebbers stated. "Everyone knows the best falafels are in Petra anyway". Over the next several minutes, he went on to list out his favorite restaurants - almost all were high end, exclusive, and prohibitively expensive. His advisers could be heard whispering to him in the background, "you're doing great, this will make you seem more relatable and relevant". "I mean I eat at Rook's all the time", he went on to say. "Their steaks are really reasonable and so good. I hope everyone gets a chance to eat at Rook's someday". A quick Shireoogle web search showed that Rook's steaks are $5,000 each.

    He concluded the speech by claiming he's already seen the upcoming 7th season of Game of Thrones. "You won't believe what happens. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but let's just say Cersei gets what she deserves... but I can't tell you what that is! Oh, there's a huge twist about John Snow. And it's so sad what happens to the dragons too - you'll totally cry. But I won't spoil what happens to them, you'll have to watch for yourself... just wait till the white walkers invade though, it's amazing. I can't tell you what happens with that though, I really shouldn't." Upon hearing this, several reporters stormed out of the press room. One was heard shouting, "MY SUMMER IS RUINED!" One reporter broke down in tears.

    DirewolfofDoomHayJohn117Wuggeh0DreamingAtDawn03
  • 5
    BlithenessBlitheness Lord
    edited April 21
    STA Service Update — 21 April 2017
    Lord Andrew, Chief Operating Officer of the Shire Transit Authority

    After a month of political uncertainty in Riverwood, the set of timetable amendments to services around the region has been revoked.

    REVISED CANCELLATIONS
    • Thule line services between Wytapcha and Hobbiton are restored.
    • Cerelia line services operating to or from Modaora Low Level, Amphitheatre and Riverwood are restored to normal service.

    REVISED AMENDMENTS
    • North-bound Cerelia line services towards Riverwood will no longer terminate at Phobean Isle, and will continue from Phobean Isle to call at Modaora Low and High levels, Amphitheatre and Riverwood.
    • Nysa line services will now call at Aberdeen station.

    REVISED STATION CLOSURES
    The following stations have been reopened:
    • Modaora High Level
    • Modaora Low Level
    • Amphitheatre
    • Aberdeen
    • Havana
    • Hobbiton

    TRAVEL ADVICE
    • Please go about your business as normal. Everything's totally fine.
    HayWuggeh0
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