Alanea Notirmye, SGN contributor - Laurelian
New Sammichian Empire breaks from Shire Dollar Zone, declares all Laurelii enemies of NSE
The official imperial decree has been reported as follows:
Let it be known that neither Hay of Laurelian nor any Laurelian citizen shall be henceforth welcomed in any territory or protectorate of the New Sammichian Empire by imperial decree of Emperor Sammus Memphistes Inigmax Ich II. Furthermore, the NSE hereby departs from the Shire Dollar Zone and demands the immediate return of all NSE wealth stored at Laurelian or there will be war.
In a blatant disregard for the sacred customs of the Laurelli, the NSE has, once again, shown just how delusional and irrational its leader truly is. An eye-witness account has given us a rough description of this evening's events. Her statement is as follows:
Danika Dayne of Fulfwotz
"I dunno. There was a bunch of yelling outside. At least, I think it was outside. I haven't been there in a while because my indentured servitude to the Emperor doesn't end for another 14 years. That's the last time I ever try to wear my hair natural!
Anyway. So there I was, next door to the new buildings by the abandoned grain mill when I overheard my glorious Emperor speaking very loudly to someone. They were having an argument about a building. Apparently it was Hay herself! Yeh! The one from Laurelian. I wish I could live in Laurelian. I heard people can wear their hair any way they want there.
Glorious Emperor was telling Hay to build the interior of one of his buildings and it seemed like everything was going ok until Hay said something about the building "not accepting the bonding ritual." That made Glorious Emperor very cross. I was scared because sometimes he adds years to our sentences when he's cross.
Hay tried to reason with Glorious Emperor saying things like, "The building LITERALLY told me to die of ugly and wouldn't accept my bonding ritual!"
Glorious Emperor was very angry and told Hay to leave Fulfwotz. He was screaming "GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY REGION!" I was really scared.
Hay seemed to get upset also, saying, "IT ISN'T MY FAULT YOUR POSSESSED BUILDING WOULDN'T ACCEPT MY BONDING RITUAL!"
And that's when it happened. Glorious Emperor made an imperial decree right in front of everyone!"
It is sacred tradition for all Laurelii to first perform a bonding ritual with a building before building an interior design in it. Bonding rituals of this sort have never failed until this day in Fulfwotz. Hay was said to have tried to bond with a tree next to the building in question stating, "Maybe I can bond with this tree here and then it can talk to the building." While many in the past have taken the ritual lightly and chalked it up as "one of those weird Laurelian things," none have ever blatantly disrespected the sacred tradition.
Emperor Sammich has not been able to be reached for a statement. Hay remains in Laurelian preparing for possibly the most ridiculous war the Shire has ever seen and for the most ridiculous reason the Shire will ever know.
Whichever side you're on, just remember. This all happened because Hay didn't put falafels in Fulfwotz.
"I should have never spoken to you! I just had another 34 years added to my sentence! It's not my fault I'm a natural redhead!" -Danika Dayne, Fulfwotz
"I heard we could get cookies so I think we're a part of the NSE now." -Hortus Morus, Riverwood
"We don't have floors.... or like... buildings on the ground." Samantha Englewood, Enderton