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SGN's Guide To Coping With The Summer Heat
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Sammiches822
Arbiter
Janice Wacker
SGN Lifestyle Columnist
Across the Shire, kids are getting out of school, families are planning their vacations, and beaches are filling up. Summer is finally here, and with this summer being projected to be one of the warmest on record, everyone is looking for ways to beat the heat. Whether it's the dry, sizzling heat of Fulfwotz or the humidity of the Verdenes, it's important to be mindful of the temperature (while still having fun, of course!). Here's some tips to stay safe and to stay cool in these sweltering summer months.
Go In The Pool
This one goes without saying. If it's hot out and you plan on spending the day outside, a dip in the pool is a tried-and-true method of cooling down. If you don't have your own pool, don't worry; just reach into your trust fund and have one made for you! This is an easy workaround that many people seem to overlook. A pool is a great investment that will serve you for many summers to come. Don't have a trust fund? Well, maybe you should just die of a heatstroke with the rest of your vagrant friends.
Cut Off Your Limbs
Modern science and the internet tells us that heat can become trapped in the body, and unless it is purged, it will continue to circulate throughout your system until you overheat. A clever way to avoid this affliction is to perform an amputation of one, two, three, or even all of your limbs. This process removes excess heat from your body and allows any remaining heat to exit through whatever holes you may have created; leftover limbs can make for a great barbecue meal, too. This practice is supported by the large quantity of limbless corpses found scattered throughout the Demmatrodine countryside in the 1990s; some summer-lovers just trying to stay cool, no doubt! It is recommended that children seek assistance from an adult before attempting to do this on their own.
Wear Black Outside
A little-known trick to beat the heat is to dress in all black when going about your business outside. If warm air sees you wearing black, it will become scared and leave you alone. A good way to double-down on this tactic is to wear a scary mask too, which can be purchased online or from any costume store. The thicker and more rubbery the mask is, the more effective it will be at repelling terrified heat and high temperatures. Conversely, it is important to avoid wearing white. If you do so, warm air particles will perceive you as friendly and will flock to make your aquaintance!
KILL THE VIRGIN. HONOR THE PACT.
E̴̱̰̜N̰̝͕ ̺A͚͍ ͙͇͍̟͎̣͢T͓͇̬̫ͅE͢N̵̬ÈB͍͕̟̳̣͞RA̭͢ ̝͔̺̯͢V̤͉̼̩̝̹̻A̛̮ ̶̫̜̻D͖̫̗̭̗̻͖E̺͟S̨̳Ṵ̸̣̙͈̺̠S͓ ̨̩̩̣͖͖̦͚Ṣ̝̝͉̗̫E̝͇̺̱A͚͓ ̷̥͍̳̩̭̱̤M͓̤̯̲̹E̫̼̞͠D̰͉͙̬͙I̷͍Ǹ̻̘A̘X̬ ̣͕̙͠E̼͝ME̸͎̪̝̣̳R͔͉̹̣V͕͈͔̰͚͔͝I̜͇͓̝C̛͎̬̱̬̠ÉN̸̤͍̰̺S̺̥ ̬ͅC̖̘̤͍̠̫͍Ṳ͚͔N̞͎̞̭E̼̖̝͈͈̠̫̕ ͎Á̲ ̪SA̬̱̝̥̩̘͠C̸̲͔̗̟̺R̸̦̼ͅI̵̠͎̪̜F̙̠̼̞̺͉A͓͍͎̮̩̹̞R̞̫̹̯̫͍Ư̬̰̣S͘ ̱͓̲̬͓̹Ḙ̹T ͞I͍͈͉͉Ć̳A̲̝̕R̗̻͉A͚͉͓̮ ̡͓͍͈S̷̥̙̺͉E̷̥A̵͉͖̬̮̙̖͈ ̪̘̜͔̲V͟I҉͎͚̖̹̫͇Ṛ͔̬̘̠̻ͅŢ̫͇I̗͟NA̫.̟̰̲̫͔͕ ͉͉͚̺ͅE̛N͏͕̝̣̫̘̞ ͟A͙ ̫̩̙̗͘ͅP̮E͕Ś̥̺̞͈T͕̜R̩̞͕̤̳̻͇Ạ̹͔͔͠ͅͅ ̗̹̭͝A͏̺ ͇͠D̫̙͔O̺͖̲͖̖̬ͅM͓͉͔͡Í̫͕̮̣N̺̺̝̲A̶̰̮͖̼̳̯E̪͎͓̙ ̵̹̘̝̯T́U̧̞̰̫K̘̭͇͉M̼̜̙͕͈̗A̙I̠͉͠H̻͉̺̞̹̟L̳̙̝̗̦̝ ̞̝̠͢S͢ÚPP͢Ḭ̳̝͍͉Ḏ̴͍̹͚̘Ę̯̭̪͚N̯̥̯͘ͅS̫̫̮͍ ̦̝͙̼̭̼̲E̮̱͔͈̣̭ͅN͎̠̳͝ ̙̠̫ͅG̺͙͓U͏̩͖̦̲̬̮̬R̵̤̖̖̰̲ ̜͖̹̦ͅB͏̜̲̤͙̱̝L̷͖͍̺Á͍͍̣̮̖̫I̮̩͉̭ ̰͚͓͕͕̪̱͞P̭̲̗É̼̫̤̼̬R̫̼̺̤̳͓̀ͅU̞̳̯̜̣͇̞S̩̪͇͙̺̠ ̧̤̮̗̺͓̘D̛͚͚E̢͚̠̯ ̢̗̤̟̝̪̞̻D̲͉̣̙̺̜E͓̙̟̹̣N̜͕͉T̙̠̙͜R̩͈̺̠͖ͅA̵͇̥͔ ͡S̨̮̞͈̠E ͏̪͕̭͙̭̪̫M̛̱̱͉̫̣͙E ͓̪̭͈͓̣̮A̪͕͡ ̩S̳͠ͅU̖͉̬̤̭̭P̞̭̘̞̼P͖̥͔̹̖̟I̶̠̝͕̳D̟̜̺E̼̲T̯̰͍̬̼͔͍͢ ̵̦͚F̻̠I̸̫̥̺N̺̗̟̱ͅI̼̳͈S͘T̞̰͖̪͕̫̰A̼̟.̺͎̻̙̗̹ͅ ̤͔L͏A̴̻̘͖U̱̰Ḏ̣͖͕͉͚͇Ụ̯̟̪̘̞S̖̹̳ ̸̱̯̭L̢̺̫̱̺͙̤A̜̬̬͕̰U̝̳̬͙̩̺̟D̺̫͢U̝͖̲̝̠̥̗S ̖͉̳͓͔̲L̵̹̠̭̻̺A̬̠̝͖̙Ú̳͓͎͙̻͚D͚̺U̧̞Ṣ̼͚̲͈͓ ͉͕͕͍̠͝Ẹ͟ͅT̩ ̠͙̞C̶̖̦O̰͓N͉̳͍͡Ṣ̰̩͞ͅP̬̘͇̳̣̤I̕C̴E͔̤̝S̥͍͟ ̸̳̖̥̻A̪̹ ̯̕DO̜͔M̥͍̰̦̜̫̻I̺͎͈N̟̞͈̘̺A̶̻E̟̥̲͚ͅ ̷͚̠I̜̬͚̬͍̟̟͜LL̤̟͚͉͟U̥͖͝S̳̭̙͍̟̹T̬̀R͕̲̺̝͓Ṵ͓̥̮S̖̠̬̗.͕̲̥̬̺̺͇͝
Disassociate
How will you be aware of the heat if you lack awareness of your surroundings as a whole?
Stay Hydrated
It's crucial to remain hydrated if you're out and about in the summer sun. Dehydration is a serious condition and may contribute to the development of heatstroke (remember, if you lack a trust fund this is your only option). Drinking plenty of water throughout the day while avoiding alcohol, which may dehydrate you more, is a smart way to keep yourself in check.
COMMENTS
Pilar Mansuco, Oranjestad - is there a preferred gender for the virgin or is that open to interpretation ?
Lida Bellamy, Oquash - i ended up disassociating by reading this article
Peter Vanhoof, Groenevelden - this list is fucked
Nero Pessides, Feverly Hills - In response to: Peter Vanhoof Sounds like someone doesn't have a trust fund...
TRENDING NOW
No Foul Play Suspected After Crucified Body Found In Colerica Desert
New Shape Proposed At International Mathematicians' Conference
Potatovale Begins Measuring Population In New Unit Of "Oogles"
Oogles Of People Sign Petition To Bring Democracy To Potatovale
SGN Lifestyle Columnist
Across the Shire, kids are getting out of school, families are planning their vacations, and beaches are filling up. Summer is finally here, and with this summer being projected to be one of the warmest on record, everyone is looking for ways to beat the heat. Whether it's the dry, sizzling heat of Fulfwotz or the humidity of the Verdenes, it's important to be mindful of the temperature (while still having fun, of course!). Here's some tips to stay safe and to stay cool in these sweltering summer months.
Go In The Pool
This one goes without saying. If it's hot out and you plan on spending the day outside, a dip in the pool is a tried-and-true method of cooling down. If you don't have your own pool, don't worry; just reach into your trust fund and have one made for you! This is an easy workaround that many people seem to overlook. A pool is a great investment that will serve you for many summers to come. Don't have a trust fund? Well, maybe you should just die of a heatstroke with the rest of your vagrant friends.
Cut Off Your Limbs
Modern science and the internet tells us that heat can become trapped in the body, and unless it is purged, it will continue to circulate throughout your system until you overheat. A clever way to avoid this affliction is to perform an amputation of one, two, three, or even all of your limbs. This process removes excess heat from your body and allows any remaining heat to exit through whatever holes you may have created; leftover limbs can make for a great barbecue meal, too. This practice is supported by the large quantity of limbless corpses found scattered throughout the Demmatrodine countryside in the 1990s; some summer-lovers just trying to stay cool, no doubt! It is recommended that children seek assistance from an adult before attempting to do this on their own.
Wear Black Outside
A little-known trick to beat the heat is to dress in all black when going about your business outside. If warm air sees you wearing black, it will become scared and leave you alone. A good way to double-down on this tactic is to wear a scary mask too, which can be purchased online or from any costume store. The thicker and more rubbery the mask is, the more effective it will be at repelling terrified heat and high temperatures. Conversely, it is important to avoid wearing white. If you do so, warm air particles will perceive you as friendly and will flock to make your aquaintance!
KILL THE VIRGIN. HONOR THE PACT.
E̴̱̰̜N̰̝͕ ̺A͚͍ ͙͇͍̟͎̣͢T͓͇̬̫ͅE͢N̵̬ÈB͍͕̟̳̣͞RA̭͢ ̝͔̺̯͢V̤͉̼̩̝̹̻A̛̮ ̶̫̜̻D͖̫̗̭̗̻͖E̺͟S̨̳Ṵ̸̣̙͈̺̠S͓ ̨̩̩̣͖͖̦͚Ṣ̝̝͉̗̫E̝͇̺̱A͚͓ ̷̥͍̳̩̭̱̤M͓̤̯̲̹E̫̼̞͠D̰͉͙̬͙I̷͍Ǹ̻̘A̘X̬ ̣͕̙͠E̼͝ME̸͎̪̝̣̳R͔͉̹̣V͕͈͔̰͚͔͝I̜͇͓̝C̛͎̬̱̬̠ÉN̸̤͍̰̺S̺̥ ̬ͅC̖̘̤͍̠̫͍Ṳ͚͔N̞͎̞̭E̼̖̝͈͈̠̫̕ ͎Á̲ ̪SA̬̱̝̥̩̘͠C̸̲͔̗̟̺R̸̦̼ͅI̵̠͎̪̜F̙̠̼̞̺͉A͓͍͎̮̩̹̞R̞̫̹̯̫͍Ư̬̰̣S͘ ̱͓̲̬͓̹Ḙ̹T ͞I͍͈͉͉Ć̳A̲̝̕R̗̻͉A͚͉͓̮ ̡͓͍͈S̷̥̙̺͉E̷̥A̵͉͖̬̮̙̖͈ ̪̘̜͔̲V͟I҉͎͚̖̹̫͇Ṛ͔̬̘̠̻ͅŢ̫͇I̗͟NA̫.̟̰̲̫͔͕ ͉͉͚̺ͅE̛N͏͕̝̣̫̘̞ ͟A͙ ̫̩̙̗͘ͅP̮E͕Ś̥̺̞͈T͕̜R̩̞͕̤̳̻͇Ạ̹͔͔͠ͅͅ ̗̹̭͝A͏̺ ͇͠D̫̙͔O̺͖̲͖̖̬ͅM͓͉͔͡Í̫͕̮̣N̺̺̝̲A̶̰̮͖̼̳̯E̪͎͓̙ ̵̹̘̝̯T́U̧̞̰̫K̘̭͇͉M̼̜̙͕͈̗A̙I̠͉͠H̻͉̺̞̹̟L̳̙̝̗̦̝ ̞̝̠͢S͢ÚPP͢Ḭ̳̝͍͉Ḏ̴͍̹͚̘Ę̯̭̪͚N̯̥̯͘ͅS̫̫̮͍ ̦̝͙̼̭̼̲E̮̱͔͈̣̭ͅN͎̠̳͝ ̙̠̫ͅG̺͙͓U͏̩͖̦̲̬̮̬R̵̤̖̖̰̲ ̜͖̹̦ͅB͏̜̲̤͙̱̝L̷͖͍̺Á͍͍̣̮̖̫I̮̩͉̭ ̰͚͓͕͕̪̱͞P̭̲̗É̼̫̤̼̬R̫̼̺̤̳͓̀ͅU̞̳̯̜̣͇̞S̩̪͇͙̺̠ ̧̤̮̗̺͓̘D̛͚͚E̢͚̠̯ ̢̗̤̟̝̪̞̻D̲͉̣̙̺̜E͓̙̟̹̣N̜͕͉T̙̠̙͜R̩͈̺̠͖ͅA̵͇̥͔ ͡S̨̮̞͈̠E ͏̪͕̭͙̭̪̫M̛̱̱͉̫̣͙E ͓̪̭͈͓̣̮A̪͕͡ ̩S̳͠ͅU̖͉̬̤̭̭P̞̭̘̞̼P͖̥͔̹̖̟I̶̠̝͕̳D̟̜̺E̼̲T̯̰͍̬̼͔͍͢ ̵̦͚F̻̠I̸̫̥̺N̺̗̟̱ͅI̼̳͈S͘T̞̰͖̪͕̫̰A̼̟.̺͎̻̙̗̹ͅ ̤͔L͏A̴̻̘͖U̱̰Ḏ̣͖͕͉͚͇Ụ̯̟̪̘̞S̖̹̳ ̸̱̯̭L̢̺̫̱̺͙̤A̜̬̬͕̰U̝̳̬͙̩̺̟D̺̫͢U̝͖̲̝̠̥̗S ̖͉̳͓͔̲L̵̹̠̭̻̺A̬̠̝͖̙Ú̳͓͎͙̻͚D͚̺U̧̞Ṣ̼͚̲͈͓ ͉͕͕͍̠͝Ẹ͟ͅT̩ ̠͙̞C̶̖̦O̰͓N͉̳͍͡Ṣ̰̩͞ͅP̬̘͇̳̣̤I̕C̴E͔̤̝S̥͍͟ ̸̳̖̥̻A̪̹ ̯̕DO̜͔M̥͍̰̦̜̫̻I̺͎͈N̟̞͈̘̺A̶̻E̟̥̲͚ͅ ̷͚̠I̜̬͚̬͍̟̟͜LL̤̟͚͉͟U̥͖͝S̳̭̙͍̟̹T̬̀R͕̲̺̝͓Ṵ͓̥̮S̖̠̬̗.͕̲̥̬̺̺͇͝
Disassociate
How will you be aware of the heat if you lack awareness of your surroundings as a whole?
Stay Hydrated
It's crucial to remain hydrated if you're out and about in the summer sun. Dehydration is a serious condition and may contribute to the development of heatstroke (remember, if you lack a trust fund this is your only option). Drinking plenty of water throughout the day while avoiding alcohol, which may dehydrate you more, is a smart way to keep yourself in check.
COMMENTS
Pilar Mansuco, Oranjestad - is there a preferred gender for the virgin or is that open to interpretation ?
Lida Bellamy, Oquash - i ended up disassociating by reading this article
Peter Vanhoof, Groenevelden - this list is fucked
Nero Pessides, Feverly Hills - In response to: Peter Vanhoof Sounds like someone doesn't have a trust fund...
TRENDING NOW
No Foul Play Suspected After Crucified Body Found In Colerica Desert
New Shape Proposed At International Mathematicians' Conference
Potatovale Begins Measuring Population In New Unit Of "Oogles"
Oogles Of People Sign Petition To Bring Democracy To Potatovale
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