David Davidson's Film Critique - The Trainkillers
-[David Davidson's Film Critique: The Trainkillers]-
To many people, the works of film-making brothers Arthur & Percy Ofpoop are considered underrated masterpieces that have earned their spot amongst some of the greatest films ever made. However, few could anticipate the success their latest film "The Trainkillers" would enjoy. Currently sitting at a 97% on Shire Tomatoes (With the film having been given the elusive "Certified: Fresh" rating only five minutes ago) & having already made $429m at the box office worldwide since its release yesterday, it's time for me to get my review in.
The following review may or may not contain spoilers and/or mild language. If you are sensitive to either & don't want to read this, then get the smeg off this website you snowflake.
-[Overview of the plot:]-
With his Trains having outdone their usefulness, the Fat Controller (Some no-name actor) hires Professor Marcus (Alec Guinness) & his crew to assassinate Duck, James, Diesel, Gordon, Oliver & Percy, before giving them accomidation at the home of Mrs. Wilberforce (Katie Johnson) as she lives near the train station. What follows is a sure fire comedy as the crew go about taking care of the Trains with a hint of comedy from the Ofpoop's previous film "Toad's Wintry Willies".
-[The Verdict:]-
I'll be honest, I was nervous at first about seeing this film. I have respect for the Ofpoop brothers & the films they've made.
However, this film is a blast to watch. With several cameo's (from Nick Frost asking for a Cornetto inside James, to the Pink Panther appearing in a "Blink-and-you-miss-it" appearance), Wallace & Gromit getting their house destroyed by Duck crashing into it, Charles Laughton making yet another appearance as the all powerful moon & a dance number by several of the cast, this is surely one of 2019's best films.
-[FINAL SCORE:]-
5/5 - The Ofpoop brothers have their first major hit that is sure to sweep the Shire Oscars later this year.
-[NEXT TIME:]-
Next week, I'll be going back in time to 2017 & undergoing some serious method acting as I revisit Samuel "Sapphire Foxx" Arlington's awarding winning drama "Getting into Character". Till then, thank god for me.
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Johnny Wiseau, Riverwood - This film was a joke that cost me $15 & 2 hours of my life that I can't get back. I made a far better film than this bullshit. If you want to watch it, it's called The Room.
Ulfric Stormcloak, Fulfwotz - @Johnny Wiseau The Room? As in (And I quote from literally every person who reviewed it) "The worst movie ever made in the history of the Shire"?
Johnny Wiseau, Riverwood - @Ulfric Stormcloak YOU'RE TEARING APART ULFRIC!! [User was banned for 1 week for harrassment| "Take some time off the internet & get a life already for smegs sake!" - Admin: Arnold Rimmer]
Jim Pickens, Winterfell - The Trainkillers? More like.... Bore Ragnarok. ....I'll get my coat.
