WEASEL NEWS - A backlog of news.
WEASEL NEWS!! Bringing the news of the Shire to you!
Good evening Shire-tons. My name is Mick McRay. Due to the moving of our offices from Fulfwotz to Oranjestad, we've been unable to report the news of the Shire. However, as we've finally got power & Wi-Fi (No thanks to PT & their attrocious customer service helpline), we're able to report some recent going-ons in the Shire.
The top story's in recent months:
- The 2019 Shire Oscars (Set to be held in Oranjestad), which was suppose to be held in February only to be delayed to June following the highly publicized news that celebrated filmmaker P.J. Maybe (who was to recieve an honor for his 30-year career in the film industry) was involved in Illegal Slavery, has been delayed yet again, this time indefinitely, following threats of violence from the Brotherhood of Dodd (A fanatical cult) after their film Fallout 76 was rejected for any nominations. Their leader, Dodd Soward (Picture above was taken in 2011, prior to Dodd forming the cult. Since then, pictures of Mr. Soward post-2011 are scarce.), has called upon followers to commit crimes in his name until Fallout 76 gets any nominations. When asked for a response to Mr. Soward's threats, the Chief of Oranjestad's Police force (Joe Joeson) responded by saying quote:
Mr. Soward is a sorry man who seems to be butt-hurt that his terrible film wasn't nominated for an award for the Shire Oscars. If he wishes to order his followers to kill me for this comment, then he's welcome to try.
- A man in shiny gold armor (Artist Representation) who claimed to be "The Holy Emperor of The Shire" was placed in a mental institute after he attempted to attack a "Heretical" Police Officer. The identity of the man is currently unknown & further details are scarce.
- Acclaimed Game Designer Nabe Gewell (Pictured at G3 2013), who was reported missing last month, is reportedly being held captive by several deranged fans of his acclaimed FPS series Partial-Being, who are demanding that his company HANDLE release the game Partial-Being 2: Chapter 3 to "bring Gertrude Fremont's story to a close", despite the game being virtually non-existent. Ever since Partial-Being 2: Chapter 2 ended on a cliffhanger in 2007, fans have been desperately demanding Nabe & HANDLE to release Chapter 3, to no avail. We'll have more on this story as it develops.
- Mafia boss James R. Romino (The top image) has filed a $20m lawsuit against actress Jessica Freeman (Pictured in Fulfwotz shopping with her older sister Kara) following comments she made on Factbook regarding his controversial lawsuit against Escapoid reporter James Stanton (Pictured during a podcast) following Stanton's 2017 exposé that Romino's now-defunct company Digital-Homicide was actually a front for a worldwide Drug Smuggling operation alongside the notorious Xan Clan, which resulted in over 1100 arrests & 682 convictions across the Shire. Ms. Freeman has yet to respond to comments, but sources close to her claim she & her lawyer Wikus Van Der Merwe are currently in the process of filing a counter-suit against Mr. Romino. We'll keep you up to date as this story develops.