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Christmas Activities for the Whole Family
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Sammiches822
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@};- Christmas Activities and Traditions by SGN's Matilda Stalwart @};-
In this blissful season of family, giving, and rampant commercialism, it seems like things couldn't get better. But did you know that actual not made up studies show that families who don't participate in any sort of special Christmas tradition are more likely to experience super death? Not death, but the death above death. Good for you though, because I plan on sharing all of my family's Christmas traditions and ideas with you to enjoy. Let's get started!
1. Setting up the Christmas tree upside down
Haha, show how quirky and unique your trendsetting family truly is! When Mr. and Mrs. Smith walk through your door and see your tree arranged upside down, you'll be the talk of the town, the most original family around. When they ask you the inevitable question, "Why is your tree upside down?", neglect to tell them that your super-wacky idea was actually stolen from an online news outlet instead of manifesting itself inside of your own dull mind, too dull to even piece together the true meaning of Christmas. We're not quite sure how to hang a tree upside down, but we're not really the ones looking up ideas online.
2. Christmas Eve of silence
We all know what it's like; the kids are jumpy, begging you to open presents, the wife is nagging you to spend time with the family, or your husband keeps asking when dinner is going to be ready. Instead of last year's suggestion of murdering them all and fleeing the country, you should instead propose a silent Christmas Eve. No one is allowed to talk on this day of contemplation, and disrespecting the newfound rule is punishable by having your presents opened by your sibling or parent in front of you, then burned alongside yourself on a funeral pyre. This'll be the most peaceful Christmas you'll ever experience!
3. Make kooky Christmas cards to send to your family
A Stalwart-family favorite, a good Christmas tradition is to make a crazy hilarious Christmas cards to mail to your friends, family, and cats. Last year we did a fun, kind of silly thing, where we all jumped in the air... It was fun. Some people got a good laugh. You can wear goofy sweaters, make far-out faces, the possibilites are endless! And who cares that your backwater cousins from Athitica whom you rarely speak to because years of inbreeding have eliminated their ability to hear won't understand the joke? Christmas isn't about pleasing everyone, it's about pleasing those worth pleasing.
4. Watch the Christmas Tree lighting in the Plaza
Although this one is horrifically overused, it's still a timeless addition to your list of Christmas traditions. No kid should grow up without sitting on their father's shoulders, watching the extremely anti-climatic array of lights burst into life before their eyes. And who can forget 2006, when Athitica handled setting up the tree, and it burned to the ground once lit and 27 lives were lost? Classic! A must-do event for the holidays!
5. Go Black Friday shopping
Help promote the commercialism which has taken the birthday of an important religious figure and turned it into a day of rabid shopping and sales by literally camping outside of the store! Let people know you really have nothing else better to do than set up tents with 37 other people who're most likely missing a shoe or not wearing a shirt. Once those megastores open their doors, burst through them like the barbaric primate we all are inside and snatch everything you can find. One fun thing to do is buy pepperspray and just spray people in the eyes for the hell of it. Don't even buy anything. Just watch their eyes burn.
~SGN Online, helping you act like you care~
Contact us at shireglobalnews@gmail.com!
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Sheldon Stalwart, Mainland- As the sheltered and socially retarded son of Maltilda Stalwart, I can confirm that these are some of the best holiday traditions ever!! Go Team Mother!
Rebecca Snyder, Vashon- my husband wants to take me to the xmas tree lighting... Haha its such a shame that his past two wives were killed at the same xmas tree lightings in the past haha
Cory Kertson, Orikami- im still trying to hang my tree upside down??
Matilda Stalwart, Mainland- [In Reply to: Cory Kertson] figure it out dipshit
In this blissful season of family, giving, and rampant commercialism, it seems like things couldn't get better. But did you know that actual not made up studies show that families who don't participate in any sort of special Christmas tradition are more likely to experience super death? Not death, but the death above death. Good for you though, because I plan on sharing all of my family's Christmas traditions and ideas with you to enjoy. Let's get started!
1. Setting up the Christmas tree upside down
Haha, show how quirky and unique your trendsetting family truly is! When Mr. and Mrs. Smith walk through your door and see your tree arranged upside down, you'll be the talk of the town, the most original family around. When they ask you the inevitable question, "Why is your tree upside down?", neglect to tell them that your super-wacky idea was actually stolen from an online news outlet instead of manifesting itself inside of your own dull mind, too dull to even piece together the true meaning of Christmas. We're not quite sure how to hang a tree upside down, but we're not really the ones looking up ideas online.
2. Christmas Eve of silence
We all know what it's like; the kids are jumpy, begging you to open presents, the wife is nagging you to spend time with the family, or your husband keeps asking when dinner is going to be ready. Instead of last year's suggestion of murdering them all and fleeing the country, you should instead propose a silent Christmas Eve. No one is allowed to talk on this day of contemplation, and disrespecting the newfound rule is punishable by having your presents opened by your sibling or parent in front of you, then burned alongside yourself on a funeral pyre. This'll be the most peaceful Christmas you'll ever experience!
3. Make kooky Christmas cards to send to your family
A Stalwart-family favorite, a good Christmas tradition is to make a crazy hilarious Christmas cards to mail to your friends, family, and cats. Last year we did a fun, kind of silly thing, where we all jumped in the air... It was fun. Some people got a good laugh. You can wear goofy sweaters, make far-out faces, the possibilites are endless! And who cares that your backwater cousins from Athitica whom you rarely speak to because years of inbreeding have eliminated their ability to hear won't understand the joke? Christmas isn't about pleasing everyone, it's about pleasing those worth pleasing.
4. Watch the Christmas Tree lighting in the Plaza
Although this one is horrifically overused, it's still a timeless addition to your list of Christmas traditions. No kid should grow up without sitting on their father's shoulders, watching the extremely anti-climatic array of lights burst into life before their eyes. And who can forget 2006, when Athitica handled setting up the tree, and it burned to the ground once lit and 27 lives were lost? Classic! A must-do event for the holidays!
5. Go Black Friday shopping
Help promote the commercialism which has taken the birthday of an important religious figure and turned it into a day of rabid shopping and sales by literally camping outside of the store! Let people know you really have nothing else better to do than set up tents with 37 other people who're most likely missing a shoe or not wearing a shirt. Once those megastores open their doors, burst through them like the barbaric primate we all are inside and snatch everything you can find. One fun thing to do is buy pepperspray and just spray people in the eyes for the hell of it. Don't even buy anything. Just watch their eyes burn.
~SGN Online, helping you act like you care~
Contact us at shireglobalnews@gmail.com!
----------------------------------------------------
Sheldon Stalwart, Mainland- As the sheltered and socially retarded son of Maltilda Stalwart, I can confirm that these are some of the best holiday traditions ever!! Go Team Mother!
Rebecca Snyder, Vashon- my husband wants to take me to the xmas tree lighting... Haha its such a shame that his past two wives were killed at the same xmas tree lightings in the past haha
Cory Kertson, Orikami- im still trying to hang my tree upside down??
Matilda Stalwart, Mainland- [In Reply to: Cory Kertson] figure it out dipshit
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