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Best Restaurants in the Shire
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Sammiches822
Arbiter
Benny Hana, SGN Restaurant Critic
We all know the routine... You and your husband or wife can't decide on where to eat. The kids are with the clinically depressed babysitter all night, and you two want to treat yourselves to a fancy dinner out. But recent studies conclude that 9/10 of your choices are actually, like, super bad. So get out those train tickets, cause you'll be travelling to the best restaurants in the Shire!
5. Didi Bleu, Orikami (pictured above)
Didi Bleu is a high-end restaurant, but that's not the only thing 'high' about it. It sits on the 67th floor of the Campart Building, with magnificent views of the city. The cuisine is Sammichian fusion, and their best meal would be the Tap Water, in the higher price range. The waiters are all stuck-up and snobbish, and seem to forget that they're working near-minimum wage. After you order, they're sure to scuttle into the corner or go into the kitchen and talk about how you're so impolite and snobbish. How dare you come into a restaurant and actually order food?
4. Molecular Food-sion, Acadie (pictured above)
Ok. Let's get one thing straight. The building and decor are pretty swanky. But how in the world do you eat the food here? I ordered a steak, and it came in some sort of... Orb. When I asked how to eat it, I was simply handed a piece of silverware. I was unable to discern whether it was a spoon or a knife. I saw other younger, more hip, people around me looking at my table and laughing, so I ran outside and cried beside the dumpster for several hours. Definitely one of my best experiences.
3. De Duche, Feverly Hills (pictured above)
This extremely expensive restaurant in the famous district of Feverly Hills has everything you need to feel uncomfortable and out of place. The chairs are uncomfortable. Everyone else looks like they're having a good time and belong in that restaurant, only their mouths moving because so much plastic surgery has eliminated their ability to move their face. Celebrities are said to frequent this establishment, such as Josie Rocks and Yonce. The food comes in minuscule portions at huge prices. The famous TV Reality Show on Encore, The Duches of De Duche, is filmed here, where it goes behind the privileged and decieving life stories of it's workers.
2. The Cove, New Enderton (pictured above)
The Cove is a fantastic place to eat when visiting New Enderton. It's located in a rocky cove where the famous swashbuckling pirate, Paris Hilton, kept her jewels and dog outfits. It has now been transformed into an upscale eatery, where you can also swim in the water and look for some plastic lost treasure that was most likely placed there by an employee for your childish amusement. The Cove is open to the Enderfulf Bay, where a gentle breeze that reeks slightly of Fulfwotz drifts into the establishment. The food is fresh-caught from the sea, and the wine is imported from... Um... Wineville.
1. Athitica Soup Kitchen, Athitica (pictured above)
When SGN was temporarily shut down for tax evasion, my reckless spending had left me without any money to pay for food. I was conducting research on prostitution in Athitica at the time, and needed a place to eat. That's when I found Athitica Soup Kitchen. It's small, dirty, and you have to sit next to someone who probably cleans his clothes in urine. One of the best parts was the kind old lady and her husband serving the food, who smiled at me pitifully and said "Aslan bless you." The food was divine, home cooked, refrigerated, and brought to the kitchen. Even though I risked having my food stolen from me by ungrateful bums, it was a wonderful eatery nonetheless. Easily my favorite.
~SGN, helping you act like you care~
Contact Us at shireglobalnews@gmail.com!
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Marilyn Frob, Fulfwotz- whenever i go to de duche theyre always closed for filming how do they actually generate revenue from customerrs
Boris Doris, Oranjestad- haha, my grandson works at didi bleu haha
haha
Cora Johnston, Vashon- none of these places are good ive been to all of them they shud fire tihs guy and replace him w/ me hhaa i need a job pls
Frank DeFranque, Venezia- i always get yelled at by another table at any of these restaurants
We all know the routine... You and your husband or wife can't decide on where to eat. The kids are with the clinically depressed babysitter all night, and you two want to treat yourselves to a fancy dinner out. But recent studies conclude that 9/10 of your choices are actually, like, super bad. So get out those train tickets, cause you'll be travelling to the best restaurants in the Shire!
5. Didi Bleu, Orikami (pictured above)
Didi Bleu is a high-end restaurant, but that's not the only thing 'high' about it. It sits on the 67th floor of the Campart Building, with magnificent views of the city. The cuisine is Sammichian fusion, and their best meal would be the Tap Water, in the higher price range. The waiters are all stuck-up and snobbish, and seem to forget that they're working near-minimum wage. After you order, they're sure to scuttle into the corner or go into the kitchen and talk about how you're so impolite and snobbish. How dare you come into a restaurant and actually order food?
4. Molecular Food-sion, Acadie (pictured above)
Ok. Let's get one thing straight. The building and decor are pretty swanky. But how in the world do you eat the food here? I ordered a steak, and it came in some sort of... Orb. When I asked how to eat it, I was simply handed a piece of silverware. I was unable to discern whether it was a spoon or a knife. I saw other younger, more hip, people around me looking at my table and laughing, so I ran outside and cried beside the dumpster for several hours. Definitely one of my best experiences.
3. De Duche, Feverly Hills (pictured above)
This extremely expensive restaurant in the famous district of Feverly Hills has everything you need to feel uncomfortable and out of place. The chairs are uncomfortable. Everyone else looks like they're having a good time and belong in that restaurant, only their mouths moving because so much plastic surgery has eliminated their ability to move their face. Celebrities are said to frequent this establishment, such as Josie Rocks and Yonce. The food comes in minuscule portions at huge prices. The famous TV Reality Show on Encore, The Duches of De Duche, is filmed here, where it goes behind the privileged and decieving life stories of it's workers.
2. The Cove, New Enderton (pictured above)
The Cove is a fantastic place to eat when visiting New Enderton. It's located in a rocky cove where the famous swashbuckling pirate, Paris Hilton, kept her jewels and dog outfits. It has now been transformed into an upscale eatery, where you can also swim in the water and look for some plastic lost treasure that was most likely placed there by an employee for your childish amusement. The Cove is open to the Enderfulf Bay, where a gentle breeze that reeks slightly of Fulfwotz drifts into the establishment. The food is fresh-caught from the sea, and the wine is imported from... Um... Wineville.
1. Athitica Soup Kitchen, Athitica (pictured above)
When SGN was temporarily shut down for tax evasion, my reckless spending had left me without any money to pay for food. I was conducting research on prostitution in Athitica at the time, and needed a place to eat. That's when I found Athitica Soup Kitchen. It's small, dirty, and you have to sit next to someone who probably cleans his clothes in urine. One of the best parts was the kind old lady and her husband serving the food, who smiled at me pitifully and said "Aslan bless you." The food was divine, home cooked, refrigerated, and brought to the kitchen. Even though I risked having my food stolen from me by ungrateful bums, it was a wonderful eatery nonetheless. Easily my favorite.
~SGN, helping you act like you care~
Contact Us at shireglobalnews@gmail.com!
--------------------------------------------------------
Marilyn Frob, Fulfwotz- whenever i go to de duche theyre always closed for filming how do they actually generate revenue from customerrs
Boris Doris, Oranjestad- haha, my grandson works at didi bleu haha
hahaCora Johnston, Vashon- none of these places are good ive been to all of them they shud fire tihs guy and replace him w/ me hhaa i need a job pls
Frank DeFranque, Venezia- i always get yelled at by another table at any of these restaurants
5
Comments
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Boris Doris is a wanted criminal, long thought to be hiding in the woods near Vladimir Orchesky Farms, south of Budapest. The guy was foolish enough to be quoted in the paper and give his location away! We'll have us a nice little hanging in the Cluggish Rose Garden in Olde Orangetown!
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remember folks, such as the case of Boris Doris, never give out personal information online!1
