Recent Studies Show That Lava Does, In Fact, Kill Rabbits

Sammiches822

Kendra Beverly, Chief Scientific Analysist

The proud team of scientists, listed left from right; Hans Durk, Seanathon Handsey, Jason Figeuroa, Shannon Migsby, and Mary Olsmith.

DEPREY INSTITUTE, FULFWOTZ- Today was considered an extremely successful day in the Will Lava Kill It Department at the DePrey Research Institute in Northern Fulfwotz. Esteemed scientists from all corners of the Shire convened in one small laboratory, destined to discover the answer to a question Shirefolk have been asking themselves for centuries; Does lava kill rabbits? 

Grade A molten magma was collected from Mount Kabuki just before New Year's Eve, and was brought to DePrey Institute where it was placed in a protective megaglass vat to keep it from melting. Over 200 of the now-endangered Knavobukian Whitelegged Rabbits were also confiscated from the Knavobuki National Forest Preserve to aid in the important study. The dedicated scientists discovered soon after the new year rang in that, contrary to popular belief, lava does kill rabbits.

While many still insist that the study was faked in order to make DePrey Institute seem more advanced and superior, many question what the origin of the rumor was. SGN Investigators discovered that the rumor was actually started by an 89 year old man named Henry Winkleford, who lives single in Acadie.

"...I don't know, I just thought it would be funny," he told reporters. "When I was in grade school, I told one of my friends that lava can't kill rabbits. It turned out that my friend told his dad, who was the S.U.N. Acadie Ambassador at the time. He brought up the issue at a summit, and warned that if the rabbits ever decided to plot for world domination, we would have no way of stopping them. Everyone fought with magma in those days. Even schoolyard fistfights were won when one child had his flesh melted after having lava thrown at his face. Now, you throw lava at someone, and you're labeled a 'monster', or a 'lunatic'. People have gone so-"

Henry Winkleford died halfway through his interview after festering magma wounds finally took their toll on the old man. In other news, S.E.A. is furious after the study was complete, and the Knavobukian Whitelegged Rabbit's status was moved from "Vulnerable" to "Endangered". Many of the environmental-conscious Shirefolk gathered outside the research institute, throwing dirt and magma at scientists and researchers who were traversing in and out of DePrey Institute. Today has been marked an important milestone in the scientific and intellectual advancement of the Shire as a whole.

~SGN Online, helping you act like you care~

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Frank Winkleford, Acadie- father no

Susan Soonson, Orikami- i remmeber when my grandson told me no one throws lava anymore.........what has the wordl coming to

Winterblaze (Anna) Orchesky, Oranjestad- ok. theres several things wrong with this article. First, in the picture. All the men are standing together, while the woman are CLEARLY FORCED AGAINST THEIR WILL to stand to the left of them. What is this saying? THAT THE MEN ARE THE RIGHT ONES? THAT THE WOMEN ARE THE LEFT ONES? also, your wording in this article, it triggers one of my 9,000 triggers. such as your excessive use of the word "research" and "lava". I identify as a TGI Wednesday's gift card, and i do not appreciate any of this.

Mark Duvonche, Knavobuki- where is my rabbit

K1LL0ByTE

How in fact do you throw lava or magma?

nebbers

Winterblaze (Anna) Orchesky just earned herself a real home and backstory in Oranjestad.

0031benjy

Sammich, I've had rabbit infestations for weeks and I was worried about using what little lava I have left to kill them, you've been a great assistance to me, my three wives, and our 23 children! Thank ya' kindly!

Sammiches822

[quote="0031benjy;2207"]Sammich, I've had rabbit infestations for weeks and I was worried about using what little lava I have left to kill them, you've been a great assistance to me, my three wives, and our 23 children! Thank ya' kindly![/quote]

Glad to help, 0031benjy