Great Father's Day Ideas

Sammiches822

-Great Father's Day Ideas-

Matilda Stalwart

Father's day is right around the corner, and if you're like any disappointing, apathetic person, you've procrastinated on getting a gift until the very last minute! But there's no need to worry, because Matilda is here to help! I'll share some of my favorite homemade gift ideas that I've given to my several fathers my whore of a mother married when I was young. Enjoy, and feel the inspiration (but not too hard)!

1. Make him a father's day card, and put your heart into it!

Nothing screams "original" like a handmade card! Get your colored pencils and fifteen sheets of computer paper ready, because this is likely going to be a very frustrating process of restarting and eventually giving up and buying one from the store. Make sure your message is thoughtful, and once you're done making the card, grab your ceremonial dagger and slice your beating heart out of your chest. Staple it to the card, and watch your dad's face light up with glee and horror as he opens your card. Nice!

2. Take your father out to see four musicals he's never wanted to see!

Has your father ever mentioned a musical he's wanted to see? No? Well, take him out to see a few anyway! Take a trip downtown and force him to sit through four musicals of self-discovery, magic, betrayal, and French Revolutions all day. Afterwards, have a 45-minute discussion about what was your favorite musical during the car ride home, and get upset with your father when he refuses to give his opinion on any of them. Great!

3. Ask your father about all of his past sexual ventures with your mother!

Like any shitty man, your father is no stranger to bragging about sexual interactions with women! Sit your dad down at the kitchen table, and over a tray of penis=shaped cookies, ask your father to discuss sex with your mother in graphic, vivid detail. To make it a little more interesting, ask him about when you were first conceived, and proceed to panic when he replies "It wasn't me." Hooray!

4. Get your dad addicted to heroin.

Well, you have no money for a present because you spent it all on your heroin addiction, so why not get your father hooked as well to make up for it? There is no bonding experience more powerful than overdosing on a hard drug while your strung-out father watches confused. It'll truly make a memorable Father's Day, and your mother is sure to be pleased! 

5. Introduce your father to your sugar daddy!

TWO Dads? Who'da thought! Make your Father's Day extra special by celebrating it with your two dads! I mean, whose father doesn't want to meet their child's sugar daddy? With your sugar daddy, you can make this Father's Day full of screaming, tears, and expensive group outings. Awesome!

6. Drink the water

Did you drink it? Open your mouth. Let me see. Swallow it. Swallow the water, you tepid bitch. This is what father wants. Drink it. If you don't swallow I'll tell father. Drink the water.

~SGN Online, helping you act like you care~

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Emily Rosemont, Palustris- the last one was fun

Annabelle Bernese, Alsma- i introduced my father to my sugar daddy and now i only have one father

Clyde Bigg, Mainland- does #4 work with cocaine?

Matthew Redvich, Athitica- what if my father is also my sugar daddy

Colepuck

I came here expecting fake ideas.....left feeling I had no idea how I survived without these the last 17 fathers days